5 years ago I sat my kids down and told them I took a new job. I was no longer their servant but CEO of the household. I wanted to teach them to be more independent and loving as I was becoming more independent and loving of myself. It worked well.Today, I realized after several days of lots of pushing energy that I had stepped back into micro-manager/servant position. I felt like I had been in a tug-o’-war and so I simply dropped the rope. It was very freeing. Crashing happened on the other end and emotions got big. And I was big enough and strong enough (since I wasn’t spending all my energy tugging) to help the little people around me walk through these big feelings. This is the beauty of a family, a safe space to have big emotions and people that help us become our best selves. My aunt shared with me this quote today:
“That condition in life which gives the greatest experience and opportunity for development is the one to be most desired and anyone so privileged is most favored of God. It has been said that “a smooth sea never made a skillful mariner;” neither do uninterrupted prosperity and success qualify for usefulness and happiness.” – Harold B. Lee. This is what Marriage and Families bring to us- WHAT A GIFT!
For so long we have believed that we can’t feel bad and if we do – something is wrong with us. OR those we care for SHOULDn’t feel bad and if they do its our fault. We take on all the roles and deny them the beauty of working out and owning their feelings. I used to try to fix what was wrong when whichever child was having a 2 yr old tantrum. Now my youngest is almost 2 yrs old and instead I just sit and hold him while he is upset and acknowledge that I hear him. Then let him figure out the solution, or at least try again.
Our family meeting is looking a little different, I hadn’t let go what they were doing with their day yet. I still was trying to direct it. And by doing so I was running around anticipating needs and making plans and back up plans, this robbed me of all my free time. (And frankly was exhausting not to mention brought up a lot of resentment.)
I sat down with my kids and told them what I was going to do and what I wasn’t going to do. For example “I am going to drive here at this time, I am open to drive here at this time but I am not going to turn off the TV and tell you to get in the car.” I let them be upset when it came up and honestly was able to sit with them as they felt their emotions without jumping in myself and making it about me, saying/thinking (OH if I only had done_____, then this _____wouldn’t have happened.)
I explained to my 9 year old by using a wagon. When we all pile into the wagon, its really hard to push anywhere. But if we all have our own wagons, its easy to get going. So I am letting them control their own wagons. I am also having active conversations with them about assessing their day. How satisfied do you feel? What did you like about your day, what didn’t you like? Working closer and closer to understanding and trusting that inner compass! What a wonderful work!
Becky has dispelled the myth that you can’t have it all… Becky’s a Mom of 6, a loving wife and a purposeful parenting coach. Her level of self-awareness and her continual focus on being her best self is what sets her apart. Becky is a Conscious Coach who can truly help any person awaken to their highest purpose. A nurturer to her core… Becky’s work is at the heart of what our families most need… as she provides the pathway to self-love, family connectedness and, ultimately, a better community and a higher level of consciousness that is changing our World for the better.